Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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