And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
