Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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