I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
