He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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