Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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