I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
