So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
