For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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