Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
