Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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