Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
