Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
