I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
