My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
