she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
