His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
