I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
