So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
