i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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