Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
