ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my liver is dry heaving
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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