Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
