I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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