I just pynch a tree in the face
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize