Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
