i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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