Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need to stop coming to work sober
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
