I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
