She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
