The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
