I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
