Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
