he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
