she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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