At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
