Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
