Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
