if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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