..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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