I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sext me about skeletons
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
