Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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