I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
