Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
