bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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