ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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