You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
