I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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