Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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