I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
