I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
