i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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