If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
