my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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