Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
