How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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