The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dear god my vagina.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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