I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
