exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How's work?
Spinning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
