dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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