her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
