i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
