God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
