All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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