Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
