Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
